there’s no point :D
i literally applied for a job and had a MONTH of interviews, got all the way through the process with multiple people, yet still didn’t get the job
i don’t think you can’t make me care anymore
this life isn’t worth it
it’s been almost a year since i’ve started applying for jobs, and i feel like i don’t have much struggle left in me. if i can’t provide for those around me, given that i have social anxiety, then what’s the point of trying? i’m only asking that hypothetically, because i already know: there’s no point to this reality whatsoever.
can i wake up from this nightmare?
i just consumed a fairly large quantity of alcohol and 3 ibuprofen, which explains this post in its entirety. so what? even now i find myself trying to abide by what i perceive to be google’s “strict” content policy, in the hopes that anyone AT ALL will read my site. none of you really understand what it took for me to get this site up and running… the joy i was able to experience when that final line of jQuery and CSS was set (well, there’s never really a ‘final’ line, but you get me). it took so very much of my time to get this site rolling in the least-expensive-yet-still-performant way
all i get is ‘adult’ spam for comments
NONE of you care to say anything at all on my posts. i want to care about this site, and i want to help anyone who needs it, but none of you either see my posts (thanks google), or care to comment or message me via the contact form. therefore: there’s no point whatsoever in me continuing this godforsaken site, or life to be honest
i have to provide for people as much as most of you do i’d imagine
you’re not alone in this world, maybe because you procreated. i have people in my life who’re not necessarily relying on this blog to sustain them, but who’re still relying on me to do ANYTHING which will help them
it’s not working folks
applying for jobs where i may remain at home is basically not worth it whatsoever
i didn’t think that i’d be so upset for getting rejected. i thought that i’d persevere no matter the outcome, and *literally* thought i’d be happy even if i wasn’t accepted for the position. yeah, fat chance that ended up the case as you can clearly see
alcohol DOES numb the pain
i would have never thought to write this post if it wasn’t for my inhibitions being so incredibly lowered by the amount i drank just a bit ago. while i’m not actively cursing on here, i likely still run the risk of losing my precious google adsense account for simply talking about my inebriated state
do you see the problems with this existence yet?
we struggle and struggle and struggle and struggle… but at the end of the day, it is all for naught if we don’t “bring home the bacon” which will sustain ourselves for however finite amount of time. YES, there are jobs out there which believe you *matter* as a person. also YES: you will almost never be able to experience them. why?
the job you *want* doesn’t want YOU
that’s why. so give up! …this world doesn’t really want you to succeed in the way you might have imagined for yourself
unless it is a super-standard, degree-to-position pipeline: you’re screwed!
i’m not kidding. it’s not worth even considering getting a “dream” job. how do i know? well, i applied for my dream job and spent a freaking month with people who couldn’t care less about giving the job to someone who’ll almost certainly be more loyal to them than the person they ended up choosing for the position. how do i know i’m more loyal? because i was at my last job for MANY more years than i should’ve been, that’s how i know
i’m at 666 words as i type this, which is pretty freakin’ funny IMO
dark forces don’t have any ‘real’ power over my life, but it’s ironic that i look down and notice that factoid. rather than a ‘dark’ influence in my situation, i find these synchronistic numbers fascinating more than anything. but when you’re unable to properly provide your own sustaining situation, none of that matters in the slightest
it HURTS me not to curse right now
but my perceptions (thanks Google …again) are that you’ll see my thoughts even less if i include profanity in my post. it comes more natural to me to use such language, but i *always* abstain from it when i’m writing these because i’m afraid that i’ll lose “”””””””ad revenue“””””””” (yeah, right… i’ve not earned a single dime in my account since the inception of this site).
i’m giving up on you
just now my left bottom eyelid twitched profusely as i typed that headline. is my higher self telling me that i should give you (likely, singular ‘you” who reads this) a second chance and not cease to continue adding content to this site? i don’t know, nor do i give a care
good luck in your future endeavors
don’t you hate reading that? i hate writing it, but the finality of it sounds really good at this point in my life. maybe i should try more headlines that are painful to read and write?
life isn’t worth it in the slightest, no matter WHO cares for you or about you
my eyelid didn’t twitch that time, therefore it must ring true to whatever degree. honestly, please don’t read too much into my drivel. it’s not worth it for you OR me that you become as despondent as i’m likely to reach in the coming days and weeks
apparently my happiness relies on my ability to provide for those closest to me
isn’t that about as sad as you could ever imagine life to be?